I started my second IVF cycle for baby number two at the end of February. We were excited about getting back on board the baby train, and due to my first cycle being pretty easy, I thought this one would be the same.
This time I stimmed for 12 days and can honestly say I felt like shit the entire time. In my head, I still thought this would be an easy cycle and we would end up with a BFP at the end of it. My body had other ideas. I felt exhausted…so so tired…and quite nauseous and moody throughout the 12 days. I was bloated and sore which I never felt the first time around and I was struggling big time, mentally and physically. Looking back, I never felt confident from day dot with this cycle.
After I had egg collection, I actually felt pretty good. They retrieved 11 eggs and we were happy with that number. I was told I was at high risk of OHSS and I guess that played on my mind a bit, too, but thankfully that didn’t happen. Besides the sore feeling for a few days after retrieval, I actually felt fine. There was one time on about the 3rd or 4th day where I had horrible pain to the point of crying and not being able to walk or sit properly. That incident actually frightened me. I called my nurse and she reassured me it’s normal and to take some Panadol and call her back later in the day. Well, the Panadol kicked in, the pain went and never returned. All was good for egg transfer 5 days after retrieval.
I had one fresh 5 day embryo transferred and we had 3 frozen. That in itself was a good thing as we never had any frosties after our first cycle. Throughout the TWW, I felt great! The best I had felt since starting the cycle. The fact I felt so good was actually worrying me. No implantation bleeding, no sore boobs (even from the progesterone I was on), no twinges or anything. Nothing! I Googled like nobodies business….which in hindsight probably made the tww all the more horrible in my head. All the reading of other people’s symptoms and stories. I felt from the beginning we’d be out this round. Intuition maybe? I don’t know but I just didn’t feel confident at all.
I POAS (peed on a stick) at 8dp5dt and it was a faint positive. Even with this, I didn’t feel confident. I thought it needed to be darker. The following day, 9dp5dt and the day of our official blood test, I POAS again and got another faint positive. It was no darker than the day before. In the past 4yrs since doing our first cycle, I’m a lot more clued in to what betas should be, what chemical pregnancies are and what they start out like on tests and with beta levels, etc. Even though we had our positive, I knew it wasn’t going to be great news from the nurse after my blood test.
My first beta (HCG levels) came back at 6.6. They like it to be above 50, so we were told it wasn’t going to be a viable pregnancy and that I had to go back for a second blood test 2 days later to check that my levels weren’t rising. If my levels continued to rise, then it could mean it’s ectopic. One week I’m peeing on a stick and hoping to see a dark positive line. The next week I’m peeing on a stick hoping to see no line at all in the hopes that my levels had dropped and it wasn’t going to drag on. What a mindfuck. Second beta came back at 3 and the nurse was happy to not have to see me for another test. I had what they call a chemical pregnancy and was to wait for my period to arrive. Thankfully it did right on time.
Due to our faint pregnancy tests and knowing that it wasn’t looking good, none of it was a surprise. It was still sad, but I wasn’t beside myself upset until I actually got my period. Seeing that blood pushed me over the edge and I bawled my eyes out….lots. It’s as if it just sunk in that something that was inside me was now actually coming out. After a few days of random bouts of crying, I picked myself up and focused on moving forward and getting excited about our FET in May.
So that’s where we’re at now. We had our fertility appointment yesterday and signed our FET consent forms and discussed what the process involved. Turns out it’s pretty simple. I’m having an unmedicated FET so I’ll be on progesterone and they’ll track my cycle, pinpoint ovulation and pop a frostie back in my cushy uterus 5 days later. Easy right? Let’s hope so.
Please let this one work!